Two years ago we were celebrating the most exciting news! We were expecting our third babe. For 4 days we celebrated that pregnancy, and then in the blink of an eye we were grieving it. Just like that it came & went and we were in the pain of our loss together. I felt lost. Trying to grieve the loss of this baby, while staying strong for the other 2 that sat at my feet. Needing me, wanting my attention, not understanding why mommy was so sad. While trying to be my husband's rock, but all the while I was falling apart. This was our 3rd miscarriage, & while they were spread out between, it still never gets easier to get through this type of pain. It was in that time of brokenness that the Lord met me & Jay & brought us to a family we never thought we'd have...or need. And that was our church. They held us, they walked us through the pain, they prayed with us, and a beautiful relationship bloomed into somthing Jay and I had no idea we had been missing our entire marriage. It was such a hard time trying to place our feelings, be strong for the kids, do we tell our family? Do we save them the pain & grieving process? It happeneded so fast we chose to take it as a time from God to lean on the people we was pouring into us, & see it as a blessing he was giving to us in spite of what we were losing.
Through these people he took our tears, and he made us laugh again. He took the hole in our hearts, and made it feel whole again. He took our marriage that had its ups & downs & made it strong.
9 short months later, the month we would have met that little babe, we found out we were going to have YOU.
You, my sweet Finn, had been written ins Gods plan to join this clan all along. You, sweet boy, were the blessing we received after putting a new baby out of our minds. After taking a year to refocus on US, to put God in the center of our marriage... we learned to communicate better, we learned to not yell so much at your siblings, to have more patience, to have more grace. We learned to lean on God through the worst pain, to pray together, and to become ONE. Something we had thought we had been for so long, but sadly were not. God taught us no famly is perfect, but it's so much easier to strive for whatever perfect may be in God's eyes.
When you were born, you came out gawkin like you do now to let everyone know, you were HERE. You were made to complete this family, and you were made to hold the place of the 3 babies God decided to bring home. The minute I held you I knew your spirit had a little bit of Emma & Crew, and a little bit of you held the spirit of the 3 babes who were lucky enough to go meet the Lord before we all do.
Sweet Finn Bodhi, you are the light of our family. It's such an amazing thing knowing God promises to make something good out of the storms in our lives. And you my boy, are proof of that. Every part of you. Your grin, your laugh, your chins, and your sweet little heart! Every part of you is a daily reminder to us how good God is & how much he loves us.
Finn is a one man wrecking show...also known as "Babyzilla". We are one month shy of his FIRST birthday! And I can't even believe it's already almost here. Our last baby's first birthday! Cue the tears people! Watching Crew grow as a big brother has been one of the best parts of this last year. He love's his baby SO much. Always on high alert, always protecting him, sharing his snacks, & alway's ready at any point to shove his finger in his mouth & get that lego out!!! Emma's big sis role is obviously nothing new around here, not her first rodeo. But she has become such a sweet, caring, big sister! Not only to Finn but to Crew too! Always encouraging him & wanting to help him with his letter's & numbers. Finn has brought this family so much JOY! He has truly blessed us in more ways than one & I will forever be grateful for the 3 babe's that brought our sweet boy home to us.